


Valentine's Day

by songofhell



Series: Hard Love [1]
Category: The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22706134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofhell/pseuds/songofhell
Summary: Harry Dresden doesn't want to think about what he's doing dating Gentleman Johnny Marcone, but when John insists on spending Valentine's Day together, he might not have much of a choice. And as if that weren't bad enough, not everyone that's on the prowl tonight is looking for love. Hey, at least no one could say his dates were boring.
Relationships: Harry Dresden/Johnny Marcone, Sigrun Gard/Nathan "Cujo" Hendricks
Series: Hard Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1633123
Comments: 9
Kudos: 129





	Valentine's Day

“And I suppose there is nothing I can do to convince you?” Gentleman Johnny Marcone asked, his dollar-bill eyes staring intently down at me.

I rolled my eyes as I leaned back in my chair. Chicago’s-most-wanted may be one of the most determined sons of bitches around, but _I,_ on the other hand, was definitely the most stubborn. “Nope,” I said firmly, popping the “p”. “You’ll just have to figure out this one out on your own.”

“Very well.” Marcone didn’t appear to be surprised as he straightened up, rolling his shoulders back. “I will have to cut my losses.”

“That would be wise,” I said with a tight-lipped grin. Of course, if lives were at stake – Marcone’s life included – it wouldn’t matter that he was the one asking me for help, I would have agreed in a heartbeat. I have this thing about not letting people die when I might be able to do something to stop it. I’m weird like that. But no lives were at stake here, just Marcone’s ego, and _that_ wasn’t my responsibility. But he knew that, which meant…

“On one condition,” he continued smoothly, the corners of his lips twitching up as he zeroed in on the kill. Not literally, I hoped. “You’ll have dinner with me on Friday.”

My eyes flickered instinctively to my office door. It was closed, of course. There was no one here apart from the two of us, as he had opted to have Hendricks wait in the car. I highly doubted that anyone had bugged my office, and even if they had, the technology wouldn’t have survived the magic that had been thrown around during the blizzard my office had experienced this morning (yes, just my office. It’s new and I’m still working out some kinks). Even the windows were shut. There was no one to overhear us.

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the desk as we shifted from being Gentleman John Marcone and Wizard Harry Dresden to just John and Harry. “You seriously came all the way down here to ask me on a date?” I asked, slightly amused. “You could have just called, John.”

“Your phone’s unreliable.”

He had a point there. “Does it have to be this Friday?” I asked instead of giving him the satisfaction of admitting as much.

“Yes.” His tone didn’t leave any room for debate, not that that had ever done anything to deter me, but in this case, I was surprised enough to let it slide. What the hell was so important about Friday? And why did he have to zero in on the one day that I had plans? If he knew about my brother, that would be one thing, but if I said I couldn’t go out with him because it was Thomas Raith’s birthday, he would get the wrong idea.

I blinked. Wait a second…. “That’s Valentine’s Day,” I said slowly.

“It is,” he said in his ‘oh good you’ve finally picked up on the obvious’ voice. I hated that voice.

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. “You’re asking me to be your valentine?”

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose in exasperation. I found it cute when he did that, which was good considering that he did it a lot in my presence. “Only you,” he muttered.

I smiled charmingly at him. “Well, that’s good. If you asked someone else, I might get jealous.”

He glared at me. “It’s a yes or no question, Dresden.”

“Well, _technically,_ you didn’t ask.”

“Good. I’ll pick you up at seven.” And then he turned and walked out of my office, not giving me a chance to protest. Well, shit. This was exactly why I shouldn’t joke about things I wasn’t planning on agreeing to. But I was nervous, and when I’m nervous, I joke. And John knows that, and just now he had used it to his advantage. What a dick.

I sighed as I fell back against my chair. It looked like I was going to have to cancel on Thomas. It wasn’t like his birthday was a big deal to him, anyway, he’d understand. Hell, he’d probably enjoy it even more if it was just him and Justine. The problem was, to cancel, I’d have to tell him that I had a date, and that would lead to questions I couldn’t answer.

John and I had agreed that it was for the best if we kept it quiet that we were… dating sounded too serious, sleeping together sounded too frivolous, but… something like that. It was better off without a label, anyway. The point was, I couldn’t tell Thomas. Of course, lately John had been dropping not-so-subtle hints that he wouldn’t mind our relationship becoming more public…. I shook my head to dislodge that train of thought. I was not going to have my name linked to his. Again.

Well, Thomas could ask his questions all he wanted, I could dodge them. I was a master question dodger.

“A date?” Thomas repeated after I told him over lunch. My phone had indeed been acting up too much for us to have a decent conversation (I blamed the blizzard), so Thomas had decided to come by my office with Burger King, because he was an awesome brother like that. I tensed, readying myself to dodge the question. “With Marcone?” he continued, as though that was the most logical follow-up question.

My jaw fell open and I dropped the fry I had been in the midst of bringing up to my mouth. I spluttered for a minute, pretty sure I was as red the ketchup now smeared across my desk. “Wha-? Ma-Marcone? Why the _hell_ would you think I’d have a date with him?”

“Well… exhibit A.” He motioned his hand towards me with an amused grin, which I returned with a glare. “And you two aren’t as subtle as you think.”

I rubbed a hand over my face before letting it fall to the table. Well, there was no point trying to deny it, Thomas would see right through me. “No one’s supposed to know.”

“I’m not telling anyone,” he pointed out.

“Yeah,” I muttered. “I just hope no one else’s picked up on it.” It wasn’t something I had considered before now. John and I had always kept our interactions professional when anyone else was around; I hadn’t thought there was anything that someone might pick up on. Clearly, I was wrong.

Thomas gave a dismissive shrug. “I wouldn’t worry about it. I wasn’t sure myself until two seconds ago, and it’s kind of in my nature to pick up on these things.”

That was true. And it wasn’t like John and I made a habit of hanging around White Court vampires, so we were probably in the clear. I perked up slightly at that. “Well, anyway, I’m sorry about your birthday. I didn’t exactly get a say in this.”

He snorted. “And you would have said no if you had?”

“Yes! I hadn’t exactly planned on spending Valentine’s day with Marcone. I mean, that’s the kind of thing couples do.”

“Which you aren’t.” It wasn’t a question, but there was a definite note of skepticism in his voice.

“No!” I shook my head. “We’ve just gone out a few times. That’s all.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “How many times?” he asked casually.

“I’m not a teenage girl, Thomas,” I said exasperatedly. “I don’t keep track of how many times I go out with a guy.”

He smiled smugly. “So, it’s enough that you’ve lost track? That’s at least more than two or three, probably more than five. That’s getting serious.”

I glowered.

“I’m just saying,” he continued, holding his hands up in surrender. “You’ve been on five plus dates… it’s not unreasonable for the guy to assume you’d spend Valentine’s Day together.”

I ran a hand through my hair nervously. “Yeah, but… don’t people normally exchange gifts for that kind of thing? What the hell am I supposed to get him? It’s not like I can afford anything up to his standards, and even if I could… what do you get the crime lord of Chicago?” It was weird saying that out loud to another person. It was weird talking about John with someone else, at all. I had sort of avoided the subject as of late, so that I wouldn’t inadvertently give away that I didn’t hate the guy quite as much as I used to. Hell, even I didn’t want to think about that.

“The severed head of his enemies?” he suggested.

“You think you’re joking,” I said with a grimace.

“No, I don’t. Knowing Marcone, it’d be fitting.”

I let my head drop down to bang against my desk. It’s very therapeutic.

“You have ketchup in your hair,” Thomas said offhandedly. I raised a hand to flip him off without bothering to life my head from the desk. “Look, Harry, just get him something personal.”

I raised my head just slightly so that I could look up at him. “What do you mean?”

He rolled his eyes. “He likes you, right? So, get him something that only you would get him, something that’ll make him think of you.”

I lifted my head the rest of the way. “You think I should burn another of his buildings down?”

“Maybe something a little more romantic,” he suggested.

“Burning down a building would be easier,” I muttered, slumping back into my chair.

* * *

Friday rolled around and Marcone’s limo rolled up in front of my Molly’s flat at precisely seven o’clock. The guy was always scarily punctual, and the fact that I wasn’t normally meant that he’d end up having to wait on me for anywhere from ten minutes to an hour, depending on the kind of day I’d had. But tonight I was already outside, leaning against the front of the building as the limo pulled up and Hendricks got out to open the door for me.

“Hey, Cujo,” I greeted him. “Guess you don’t get Valentine’s Day off, huh?”

He glowered at me as I slid into the backseat next to John, who immediately reached forward to pull me into a kiss.

“Mmm,” I hummed as he pulled back. “Any chance we’re going straight to your place?”

He chuckled. “Dinner first, Harry.”

I nodded, that nagging sense of worry that had been at the back of my mind all week returning at full force. “Where?” Surely we wouldn’t be going to one of the places he owned, or one of the many others that he had his fingers in, where he would surely be recognized. He’d make sure we were discrete. But still, my stomach clenched with nerves.

“Somewhere outside the city,” he assured me. “There shouldn’t be any familiar faces.”

“Oh.” I relaxed back in my seat. “Good.”

I pretended not to notice John’s slight frown at my relief and decided to change the subject before the conversation could take a turn I’d rather it avoid. “How’d everything go this week? Everything fall apart without me there?”

His face relaxed, his frown vanishing in favor of his eyes narrowing slightly. “It went just fine. I am more than capable of handling things without your help.”

“You are?” I gasped in exaggerated surprised. “Oh then, here’s an idea – stop asking me to help.” I fixed him with a pointed look.

He rolled his eyes. “Did you ever think that I ask because I enjoy your company, Harry?”

“And I enjoy yours, John,” I replied honestly because there was no reason to pretend otherwise. I think I was well past being able to deny that, now. “But if I spend too much time coming to your aid, people will talk. I already don’t like how many people think I work for you, I’m not about to make it worse.”

“Well, perhaps if they understood the nature of our relationship…”

And somehow, we had ended up circling back around to this anyway. I shouldn’t be surprised. “Then you’ll be taken more seriously in magical circles and everyone will know that you have me in your corner. It’s a great power play, John, but I’m not helping you with it,” I said firmly, a shred of anger slipping into my voice.

John’s expression hardened. “Harry-” he began, but I wasn’t in the mood to listen to whatever he had to say.

“And another thing,” I cut him off. “If that’s an issue, then you can tell Hendricks to pull over the car right now because I don’t want to keep this up for another second if that’s what you’re in it for.” It wasn’t the first time I’d had the thought, and I was well-practiced in keeping the pain from my face as I said those words.

As usual, John’s face was a mask of composure, but I knew him well enough to see the anger and hurt flickering deep in his eyes. “One of these days,” he said coolly. “You are going to have to stop doubting my intentions where you are concerned.”

“Maybe when you give me a reason to.”

He shook his head, glaring out the tinted window. “It’s not my fault that you’re too blind to see the truth.”

“And it’s not my fault that your countless attempts to get me to work for you have left me a little suspicious.” I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair, no longer caring about looking presentable on this date. Well, tonight was off to a _great_ start. I wished I could say I was surprised. “Hells bells, John, you’re as paranoid as I am. You have to understand why I’m a little uneasy about this whole thing.”

“That doesn’t mean that you have to accuse me of using you every other date. It gets old.”

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. I guess I couldn’t blame him there. It would start to wear on me, too, if the person I was seeing was constantly throwing accusations at me. But believing that John Marcone wanted me for no other reason than because he liked me and wanted me in his life was easier said than done.

“If you’re truly not comfortable with people knowing about us, then I won’t push it,” John continued. _“Despite_ the fact that it’s what I want. And that will just have to be good enough proof for you.”

I mulled that over for a second, then I nodded. If he was truly willing to let things stay in the dark for my sake, maybe that was a testament to his true intentions. “Yeah… okay.”

He exhaled through his nose, and I thought I detected a hint of relief in that, mixed with the irritation, but he otherwise remained silent.

“So, where are we going to eat?” I asked after several awkward seconds of silence, forcing my voice to be more upbeat.

From there, the conversation flowed naturally as we entered the next phase of what had become the regular pattern for us. He’d pick me up, we’d flirt, then I’d pick a fight over something – usually accusing him of one thing or another – and then I would change the subject to avoid apologizing and we’d have a great rest of the night together. He was right, it was getting old, but at the same time, what did it mean if I didn’t find something to accuse him of? What did it mean if I trusted Gentleman Johnny Marcone? It was a step I wasn’t sure I was ready to take. So, of course, I pushed the thought from my mind.

“Did you seriously just order for me?” I asked about an hour later as our waitress walked back to the kitchen.

“Yes,” John answered matter-of-factly. “The menu is in French, and I know what you like.”

“Are you implying that I can’t read French?” I demanded. “I’m a very worldly wizard, I’ll have you know.”

“Hm,” he hummed thoughtfully. “So, what did I just order?”

“Well, I didn’t memorize it,” I snapped defensively.

He chuckled. “Of course not. Well, I assure you, Harry, it is something you will enjoy.”

“But you’re not gonna tell me what it is?”

He told me. In French because he’s a bastard like that. I nodded as though I understood him, even though he could have just told me that I’d be eating pigs’ brains for dinner, for all I understood. Judging from the amused expression on his face, he was well aware.

“How’s Maggie doing?” he asked after he finished his silent gloating.

My face lit up at the mention of my daughter. I couldn’t help it, it was an automatic response. “Great. She’s amazing. I swear she’s gotta be the smartest kid in the world.”

“Sounds like she didn’t inherit much from you, then,” he said with a grin.

I threw back my head and laughed. “God, I hope not.”

There was fondness in John’s eyes. The look softened his entire face, which was something I rarely got to see and would give almost anything to see more of. Which was why when he opened his mouth, then closed it again, as though thinking better of whatever he was about to say, I threw caution to the winds and asked, “What?”

He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

I arched my eyebrow skeptically. “John, tell me,” I pressed gently.

“I should like to meet her one of these days,” he said, studying my face carefully. “If you ever decide you’re comfortable with it.”

“Oh,” I blinked in surprise. “Um, yeah, maybe… we’ll see.” I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. If I wasn’t with John, I’d be saying hell no, I wasn’t letting the mob boss anywhere near my daughter. But when I’m not with John, it’s a lot easier to ignore that side of him that so few get to see, and that side is a lot harder to say no to.

He smiled at me. “On your terms,” he assured me.

I nodded. “Thank you.” I wasn’t saying thank you for letting it be on my terms, that would be stupid; I was saying thank you for understanding, thank you for not pushing me when I’m already confused about how I feel; thank you for sticking as close to my comfort level as possible, when you want more. He understood.

When the waitress brought out our food, I was delighted to see that it wasn’t pigs’ brains on my plate, but rather a mouth-watering piece of meat coated in some kind of sauce that was the restaurant’s ploy to make it fancy enough to warrant the obscene price. But hey, I wasn’t paying, and it was freaking delicious.

“So, why were you so adamant on doing Valentine’s Day, anyway?” I asked once I’d gained enough self-control to slow down between bites enough to talk.

He raised his eyebrows in mild surprise. “Well, we are seeing each other.”

“Yeah, but… I didn’t know we were at the stage where we spend Valentine’s Day together.”

“At the stage?” he repeated, faint amusement in his tone. “It’s just a day, Harry. No reason to read more into it than there is.”

“Oh, yeah?” I challenged. “If it’s just a day, why was it so important to you?”

He met my gaze, the familiar look of exasperation in his eyes. “Because I think being with you is something to celebrate,” he said assuredly, every word ringing with truth. “Is there something so wrong with that?”

I could feel my cheeks turning faintly pink and my eyes darted down to my plate. “No,” I muttered, suddenly feeling slightly overwhelmed under his piercing gaze.

“Good.”

I looked around the room to buy myself a minute to recover from the surprising intensity of his words. There were lots of couples in the restaurant tonight, not that that was surprising, given the day. Actually, it looked like there was only one patron that wasn’t part of a couple. At first, I figured the incongruousness of that was what immediately drew my attention to him, but then I noticed the look in his eyes, the glances he kept shooting across the restaurant, the way he kept clenching and unclenching his fist.

I quickly turned my attention back to John, reaching across the table to grab his hand as a way to inconspicuously lean closer to him. “Do you know the guy sitting alone in front of the middle window to your left?” I muttered in a low voice.

John let his gaze slide casually over the restaurant before it returned to me. “Never seen him before. Should I?” His voice and expression were calm, but his body was as tense as a snake coiled to spring.

“He knows you. And I don’t like the look on his face.”

He nodded, giving my hand a light squeeze before he pulled away and began to stand. “I’ll go ask for our check.”

Shifty-Eyes seemed to take that as his cue to leap to his feet, crossing the restaurant faster than I would have thought he was capable. “John Marcone,” he rumbled, anger and hatred twisting his voice.

I suspected I was the only one that noticed John’s hand twitch towards his jacket pocket, where there was undoubtedly a knife hidden. “I don’t know who you are,” his voice was still calm, but there was the subtle undertone of threat to it now. It was interesting not being on the receiving side of that tone, for a change. “But why don’t we take this outside to avoid making a scene?”

“You mean so that you can kill me quietly?” Shifty spat. People were starting to look, now; waitstaff coming to a halt as they realized their training had not covered how to handle this kind of situation. “No thanks. You have the advantage out there, but _I_ have it in here.”

My eyebrows furrowed slightly at that; purporting to have an advantage over John was a hefty claim, and one I wasn’t sure I believed. And then I felt it, the unmistakable tingling of magic in the air.

I was on my feet, sliding between John and the amateur practitioner almost before my instincts had communicated to my brain what was happening. “Walk away,” I said in a dangerous voice.

“This man is a monster! I know his type, I know the kinds of things he does! And I have the power to do something about it!”

Oh, great. Some idiot with a vendetta against crime lords had acquired some magical talent and now thought he was strong enough to take one on. That was just perfect.

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that with great power comes great responsibility?” I asked tiredly. _“Forzare,”_ I muttered under my breath, not injecting much power into the word, just enough to push him back a step, just enough to make my point.

Shifty’s eyes widened. “Who are you?” he demanded, his eyes getting shiftier by the second.

“Harry Dresden. I’m a Warden. Do you know what that is?”

I could already tell by his face that he had no idea. “Of a prison?” he asked.

“Well, that too,” I admitted, thinking about Demonreach. “But no. I’m a Warden of the White Council, which means that I enforce the laws of magic, which you are threatening to break.”

He shook his head. “I don’t care if I go to jail for this. Now get out of my way before I make you.”

I chuckled darkly. “Oh, the White Council doesn’t send people to jail, Shifty.” People say that their blood boils when their temper rises, and it used to be that way for me, but not for a while, not since I’d taken up the Winter Mantle. Now it was a cold fury that surged through me, freezing my blood in my veins, a primal instinct screaming at me to make it so that this man could never hurt what was _mine._ _“I_ carry out your sentence,” I hissed as a took a step forward. _“And you just threatened my boyfriend.”_

Shifty gulped and his hands were shaking at his sides. I took a deep breath before I did anything rash, getting control of my anger before the Mantle took over completely.

“I’m going to give you one last chance to walk away,” I said, my voice a bit more level than before. “Leave now, and I’ll give you twenty-four hours before I come looking for you and bring you before the White Council. Refuse, and the council will be more than understanding of why I had to act to defend the Baron of Chicago.”

Shifty hesitated, then he took one slow step back.

“Smart choice. I’ll see you around.”

He backed up one more step before he turned around completely and fled out the door.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose, pushing away the last of my anger. Once I was satisfied that I had myself under control, I turned to face John and was immediately arrested by the look in his eyes.

“Um,” a timid voice spoke up from the other side of the table. Our waitress. She must have come up to make sure that everything was okay.

“Check, please,” John said politely without tearing his dark gaze away from me, and my control threatened to crack again under that look, as lust coiled in my stomach. “Assuming you’re ready to go,” he added after our waitress had scurried away.

“Yeah,” I said in a low voice, not sparing a thought for my half-eaten plate of food.

I wasn’t sure that John even looked at the bill before handing the waitress a handful of cash and telling her to keep the change. Then he was navigating me out of the restaurant with his hand on my lower back.

“Well,” he muttered, pulling his cell phone from his pocket as we stepped outside. The cold wind hitting my face was refreshing and the sensation helped to ground me again. “I would call Hendricks to bring the car around, but that appears not to be an option.”

I shrugged only slightly sheepishly. “Well, you were standing pretty close to me when I went off on Shifty back there,” I pointed out.

He sighed as he slipped the fried phone back into his pocket. “This is the fifth phone in three months.”

“Then it’s really your fault that you haven’t learned by now.”

“It is not my fault that we now have to walk three blocks to the parking lot,” he countered.

“Oh, come on, John, it’s a nice night,” I said, grabbing his hand as I took off down the sidewalk. “Think of it as a romantic, moon-lit stroll. If you hadn’t said anything, I might’ve even thought you’d planned it.”

He chuckled, the corners of his lips curling up just slightly as he fell into step beside me. “I know better than to plan too much when you’re involved.”

I beamed at him. “Hey, at least you’re learning something.”

Even plans laid by someone as calculating as John couldn’t survive contact with me. Most of the time, I found that amusing, but sometimes I felt bad about it. Mostly when my bad luck magnet served to drag something in at the perfect moment to ruin our date. Like tonight. There was no way Shifty had been coincidentally eating at the same restaurant as us. He had been on a mission to hunt down crime lords, maybe Marcone specifically, and he had found the seemingly perfect opportunity to sneak up on him while he was without his bodyguard. He must have followed him from Chicago… but John was normally too careful to allow something like that….

I came to a sudden stop, staring ahead with a blank expression as the pieces slid into place.

“Harry?” John asked with a frown.

“You knew he was following you,” I said, dropping his hand as I turned to face him.

He blinked, but his expression was unreadable. “I told you I’ve never seen him before,” he said smoothly.

“But you heard that some amateur practitioner was looking for you,” I countered, my voice hard. “And you let him follow you, maybe even laid a trail. Was this whole date just some ploy to get me to take care of him for you? What happened to being able to handle things without my help?”

John sighed, a note of melancholy in his eyes. “That’s not what it was. I could have handled him on my own, but I was curious as to what you would do if I was confronted in front of you.”

I looked at him in disbelief. “You were _testing_ me?”

“No,” he quickly refuted. “But you express your feelings through actions, not words. I just wanted to know.”

I blinked at him in surprise. “You set up a confrontation with someone who wants you dead, so you could gauge my feelings for you?” I asked incredulously. “Was that really the simplest way to handle that?”

“You don’t make things easy, Harry. I had already tried every other method.”

I shook my head slightly, crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned back against the building behind me, still trying to wrap my head around what had happened. On the one hand, he hadn’t been using me, so that was good. On the other hand, what the hell? “So, what’d you find out?”

John met my gaze and spoke as though he was simply reciting what he read there. “You try to keep me at arm’s length, but that’s not what you really want. You want a claim to me, just as I do to you. And when it comes down to it, you won’t settle for anything less.”

My eyes narrowed slightly, but I otherwise kept my expression void of any emotion. “The Winter Mantle tends to make me a bit possessive,” I said carefully. “I wouldn’t read too much into it.”

He appeared unimpressed. “You called me your boyfriend, Harry.”

Oh, shit. I had, hadn’t I? “Slip of the tongue,” I muttered, my eyes darting down.

He gave an exasperated sigh. “And you wonder why I had to resort to this to get anything out of you.”

Point. But I didn’t know how I felt about John; it wasn’t something I wanted to look too closely at, especially when I could never be quite certain if it was genuine on his part. I wondered, not for the first time since we’d started seeing each other, what the hell I was doing.

“You still crossed a line, John.” I shook my head slightly as I pushed off from the wall. “You want to know what I feel, how about you show me what you feel? Prove to me that this is real – something that’s not done through manipulation, by the way,” I added bitterly.

“I did not manipulate you into doing anything,” he protested, taking a step towards me. “You could have sat by and done nothing, and I could have handled the situation myself. I did not force you to act. You need to take responsibility for your own feelings, Dresden; otherwise, you’ll always find a reason not to believe what I show you.” His eyes were fierce as he held my gaze for several second before he abruptly turned and continued down the sidewalk.

I felt as though I’d just been slapped in the face with his words. He was right, of course. I blamed this thing between us on chemistry and the heat of the moment. Hell, I’d even gone so far as to try to convince myself that the Winter Mantle was pushing me to be with him because of the thrill I got from it. But I refused to even look at any feelings that I might have for him because then I could very well be confronted with something I didn’t want to face – that I wanted to be with him. And I didn’t think I could take responsibility for that desire, especially knowing where it might lead.

I finally managed to wrench myself out of my frozen state and used my long strides to catch up to John, stepping around him so that he was now positioned between me and the buildings on our right. “Okay, so we’re both at fault here,” I said quietly, not quite looking at him. “Can we at least agree on that?”

“Of course,” he replied easily, keeping his gaze forward. “I never claimed that what I did was right. I only ask that you look at things from my perspective.”

And that was the thing with John. He was rarely in the right, and he knew that, but from his point of view, he was the lesser of a hell of a lot of evils. He believed that he played a necessary roll, and that all the terrible thigs he did were just to keep someone else from doing worse. It was twisted logic, and once I had been able to focus on that, studiously ignoring every sign that John was anything more than what he appeared on the surface. I couldn’t do that anymore.

I nodded. I might have said something more profound, but I was distracted by the sound of footsteps coming around the corner. Normally, when my instincts zeroed in on something like that, it was for a reason. Admittedly, sometimes that reason was because I was being particularly paranoid, but I’m rarely that lucky. Hence, the paranoia.

I began to slow my strides, and John followed my lead, immediately going on alert. See, he trusts my instincts.

We saw her before she saw us. Lara Raith, White Court vampire and secrete head of the House of Raith. She looked as jaw-dropping as ever in a fitted black dress, and with that high slit and low neckline, it was like the top and bottom of the dress were warring over which could get more attention. I didn’t even want to think about what she was doing out tonight.

John ducked into the alleyway that we had drawn level with, and my gaze flickered towards him in surprise. Was he _hiding_ from Lara? But no, I realized a second later. I didn’t want us to be seen together, and he was respecting my wishes. That was kind of sweet.

Lara drew to a stop when she saw me. “Dresden,” she greeted me. A smile curled up her lips, even though I knew her well enough to know that she was on alert just as much as I was. “What brings you here?”

“Just working,” I said casually, deliberately not asking her the same. I could guess.

“All alone, on Valentine’s Day?” There was a purr to her voice as she resumed walking forward, and I resisted the urge to take a step back. A sort-of-ally she might be, but trust her, I did not.

“You know me, workaholic,” I joked, pulling on every ounce of self-control I had as she approached, her very presence inviting me forward. I dug my heels into the concrete.

“It is one of your less desirable traits.” There wasn’t much space left between us now, and every instinct in my body was screaming at me to close it. I clenched my fists at my sides as her silver eyes flicked over me. “Can I convince you to take the night off?” She must have rose up on her tiptoes because suddenly her lips were at my ear. “I’ll make it worth your while,” she breathed before brushing her lips across my cheek, and a simple kiss on the cheek had no right to feel so damn good.

Suddenly, she jerked back with a hiss of pain.

I blinked at her in surprise, embarrassingly disappointed at the loss of contact as my brain slowly caught up with what was happening. And then I saw with a jolt of shock that her mouth was blistered. Oh. _Oh._

“Mr. Dresden, Ms. Raith. I hope I’m not interrupting something.”

Oh _shit._

I turned back to John, my eyes wide, my mouth slightly open. Some part of my brain registered that he must have stepped out of the alleyway when Lara came onto me, but currently that wasn’t at the forefront of my thoughts. I was hardly even aware of Lara standing behind me anymore, which was really a testament to how shocked I was.

I saw the confusion flicker over his face at my expression, and then there was the realization as he looked at Lara and saw her blistered mouth. White Court vampires of the House of Raith fed on lust, and there was only one thing that had that effect on them.

“Marcone,” Lara said, a note of surprise in her voice as she raised her hand to cover her blistered mouth. “This is quite the coincidence.”

“It is,” he agreed, neither voice nor expression betraying any hint of what he might be feeling. “But not altogether surprising. What are you doing here?”

“Hunting,” she confirmed what I had already figured. “A better question is what are _you_ doing here without your bodyguards?” She took a step towards him and my instincts went into overdrive.

I blamed it on the tension that had been building in me from the encounter in the restaurant, from John and mine’s argument, from Lara’s advances, from the realization that I had just made. I was like a wind-up toy that had been wound up past its limits and then sprang into action with nothing to hold me back. The wave of force I sent careening into Lara knocked her back a good several feet onto her ass, where she then skidded the rest of the distance to collide with the building behind her, the sidewalk ripping at her dress along the way.

I took a step forward, but John’s hand wrapping around my wrist silently cautioned me from doing anything to make the situation worse. “Harry,” he said in an undertone. “I could have handled that.”

“What the hell, Dresden?” Lara snarled, dragging herself to her feet.

“You might want to do some damage control,” he muttered, releasing my wrist as Lara’s eyes darted between the two of us, calculating.

He was right. Lara was smart and she was probably already putting the pieces together. I could easily come up with something to explain it away, though; she might still be suspicious, but it would at least placate her. So naturally, I did the exact opposite. I turned and grabbed at John’s withdrawing hand, using it to pull him into a kiss.

John didn’t show surprise easily, and I always got a little thrill of pleasure whenever I managed to draw it out of him. This was one of those times. He froze, just standing there and letting me kiss him for several seconds. My hand released his wrist in favor of threading through his hair, while the other gripped his hip, tugging him close. When John finally seemed to wake up from his state of shock, he returned the kiss with just a soft brush of his lips against mine as he raised his hands to my waist and gently pushed me back. We broke apart and I was left staring into green eyes that were studying me with an edge of uncertainty.

“I see,” Lara murmured, her amusement evident in her voice. “A fitting pair, really.”

I turned to face her. “Well, as fun as this has been, I think we’d better be going.”

“Don’t let me keep you.” She smirked. “I’ll send you a bill for the dress.”

“Well, I don’t check my mail often, but I’ll try to remember to keep an eye out for it. Could be summer by the time I get around to it, though.”

“It will get paid,” John cut in before her eyes could narrow more than a fraction.

I shot him a glare. He was no fun. But of course, he was in his ‘don’t upset powerful ally’ mode. And maybe a bit of it was amount protecting me, too. I allowed myself a grin at that thought.

“Good,” Lara said coolly.

“Now, if you’ll excuse us.” His hand returned to my back as he continued down the sidewalk, ushering me along with him.

I wiggled my fingers in wave as we passed by Lara, and she dodged out of the way to avoid touching my bare skin. I smiled.

“I would ask you if you’re sure,” John said in a low voice once we had turned the corner. “But it’s a little late for that.”

“Yep,” I said cheerfully. I was in a far better mood than I would have thought I would be in this situation, and I felt lighter than I had in a long time. Knowing was good. Sure, I’d been trying to avoid it on my part, but knowing what he felt, suddenly being unable to question his motives, made me not mind my own feelings so much.

He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes. “Are you still upset?”

“Yep,” I confirmed, no less cheerfully. “But I understand,” I added more seriously. “Just… don’t pull anything like that again, okay?”

“No need,” he said, and there was a hint of a smile in his voice now.

I rolled my eyes. “And if I find out that you arranged for that run-in with Lara…” I said, half-joking.

“I didn’t,” he assured me. “However, I can’t say that I’m put out over it.”

“Honestly… me neither.” I smiled at him and was seized by a strong desire to kiss him again. But I got the feeling that if I started that, we’d have a hard time making it to the car, so I refrained. I did speed up slightly, though; and I definitely caught John’s smile as he followed suit.

I fully expected Hendricks to be dutifully sitting in the limo, waiting impatiently for John’s call to come pick us up. So, I was pretty surprised when I saw him sitting on the bed of a neighboring truck with Sigrun Gard. Given that they were both holding a glass of wine and that Gard was wearing a dress to rival Lara’s, I was pretty sure it was a date. Judging from the look on John’s face, he hadn’t been expecting this either.

“Aw, good for you, Cujo,” I said encouragingly. “Glad you’re not letting your controlling boss ruin your Valentine’s Day.”

Hendricks shot me a glare before he turned to John, his expression turning apologetic. “I was waiting for your call, boss.”

“I know,” John assured him patiently. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and tossed it over to his bodyguard. “Another phone lost, I’m afraid. Hello, Ms. Gard,” he added pleasantly, inclining his head towards her.

Gard, I noticed, was looking between John and me thoughtfully, and that’s when I remembered that Hendricks was the only one of John’s employees that knew about us. I smiled at her as I slipped my arm around John’s waist. Okay, so maybe I was enjoying people finding out about us a little too much. I attributed it to the fact that subverting expectations was one of the great joys in life, and that sensation would probably fade by tomorrow morning when I’d inevitably realize that I’d have to deal with the consequences. All the more reason to enjoy it now.

She returned his polite greeting before commenting, “Dresden is who you’ve been seeing.” It wasn’t a question.

“Who else?” I asked before John could so much as open his mouth, my broad grin still plastered across my face.

John did his cute, exasperated nose rub while Hendricks’s eyes narrowed as he noticed the change in our interactions since just earlier today. Most people looking at Hendricks wouldn’t hesitate before saying that he’s more of a blunt object, but he’s sharper than he looks. There’s a reason he’s John’s most trusted employee.

“Did something happen?” Hendricks asked, concerned.

“Nothing to worry about,” John dismissed. “I’ll take the keys,” he added, holding out his hand.

His eyebrows furrowed. “But…”

“It would be rude of you to leave Ms. Gard in the middle of your date. Take the rest of the night off, I’ll drive us back.”

Some part of me couldn’t help but wonder if that was an intentional jibe at the fact that I had run out halfway through our last date because I’d gotten a lead on a case I was working on, but it was a sweet gesture and Hendricks deserved the night off, so I couldn’t bring myself to care too much.

“You’re sure?” he asked, sounding slightly reluctant. Only Hendricks could be so dedicated to his job so as to not jump at the chance of a night off with a beautiful woman.

“Very.”

Hendricks nodded and handed off the keys with a “thank you.”

John unlocked the limo, and was walking around the other side of the car when Hendricks said, “Dresden.”

I turned to look at a spot just north of his eyebrows. I didn’t need to ask; I knew what he was saying. “Nothing will happen to him,” I said earnestly. “I promise.”

He nodded and I turned to get in the car with a final call of, “You kids have fun! Don’t stay out too late.”

John started the car and pulled out of the parking lot with a roll of his eyes.

“You’re a big softy, you know that?” I said, grinning at him. Hey, I’d waited until we were alone to say it. Never say I don’t know when to hold my tongue.

He fixed me with a fierce glare for a moment before turned onto the road. “I assure you, Harry, there’s no part of me that’s soft.”

I opened my mouth to refute that because I was a glutton for punishment, but then my mind caught up with the meaning of his words and it was enough to render me speechless. And enough to make the radio turn to static and the dashboard lights flicker ominously.

“Harry,” John said sternly. “Do you think you could refrain from causing car to break down before we get back to my house?”

“Not if you keep putting thoughts like that in my head,” I muttered, letting my head rock back against the headrest.

John heeded my warning and we didn’t say much on the way back to his place. Sure, there was a lot we had to talk about, but that conversation was way too emotionally charged to have in a vehicle that had been manufactured within the last five years. I didn’t let myself think much on it, either; instead focusing on keeping my magic in check so that we didn’t end up stranded without a car or phone.

Thankfully, we made it back to John’s house without any mishaps. I know, it surprised me, too.

After the pent-up car ride, I didn’t waste any time once we got inside, pinning John to the door the second it shut behind us. This time, he responded immediately to my kiss, his hands grabbing at my hips to pull me closer. I didn’t break the kiss until I was in danger of running out of oxygen, gasping for breath the moment our lips parted.

“John, I-” I breathed, but the words got stuck in my throat. What was the problem? He already knew how I felt, I knew that he felt the same, this should be the easiest declaration in the world. And yet it wasn’t. I cleared my throat. “I think we should move this to your bedroom.”

I saw the disappointment flicker in his eyes – the first time those words had elicited _that_ reaction from him – but he obliged. I pushed those thoughts away, instead focusing on the feel of John’s lips against my skin, on his weight pressing against my body. It was working, too. John was an easy distraction from my thoughts. But then he pressed me down onto the bed, hovering above me, just out of my reach.

“Harry,” he murmured, “Tell me.”

Fucking bastard. Why couldn’t he say it first? But I knew the answer to that. John had been sure of his feelings for some time now and had just been waiting on me to catch up. Even though he knew, he needed to hear it from me first. And honestly, that was probably for the best. Him saying it first would only make me feel worse when I couldn’t say it back. Because reality had decided not to wait till morning and had come crashing back into me now, and I knew that I _couldn’t_ do what he was asking of me, as much as a part of me wanted to.

“John…” I took a deep breath. “I can’t.”

I felt his body go rigid on top of mine. “You can’t?” he repeated slowly.

“I’m sorry,” I said lamely.

He rolled off of me onto his back, and I tried not to flinch at that. “You want to explain why?” he asked, and I could tell that he was forcing his voice to remain calm.

“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not that,” I said quickly, guessing at what was going through his head – that I couldn’t say it because I was ashamed of how I felt, ashamed of having these feelings for someone like him. I turned my head to the side to look over at him, hoping to catch his eyes so that he could see now much I meant what I was saying. His gaze was fixed on the ceiling, though, and if he felt my eyes on him, he didn’t show it. “It has nothing to do with you. I just… I don’t have the greatest history with relationships, in case you haven’t noticed. If I say it, this thing between you and me becomes real, and… then it becomes something I can lose.” In the past, a greater commitment would have been what I’d wanted from the start – the casual thing had never been for me – I’d have jumped in with both feet, heedless of what the future had in store for us. But I had been burned too many times, I supposed. I had fallen for John way harder than I’d meant to, and that, coupled with my past, terrified me.

“Then you need to make a choice right now,” John spoke in a carefully controlled voice. “Because I refuse to carry on with you being half-in, half-out. Not after tonight.”

“Come on, it’s not that simple,” I argued, a note of desperation creeping into my voice. “It’s bad enough that people know about us – that already puts you in danger. If we become more serious-”

“I have dangerous enemies, too, Dresden,” he cut me off, finally turning to look at me, his hard expression unwavering at the desperation in my eyes. “But I trust that you are capable enough to handle them. And I’m aware that your enemies are worse, but I have chosen to accept that risk. That is my choice to make, and not a point that you have any grounds to argue. Regardless of whatever enemies we both may have, relationships are risk, and you need to decide if you’re willing to accept that risk.”

“Stars, John…” I sighed. He was talking about calculated risk as though this was as simple as just another business decision, but it was so much more than that. “You’re one of the people I’ve known the longest, and I know we haven’t always gotten along, but you’ve always been there.” I shook my head, suddenly feeling as vulnerable as I had the first time I’d met John, when we’d locked gazes and entered into a soulgaze. I was bearing my soul in a different way now, and though this was far less intimate, it still left me feeling exposed. “After all that… I can’t let you become another of my failed relationships.”

“Well, there’s the difference between you and me.” The tiniest flicker of emotion penetrated his careful mask, betraying his air of detachment from the conversation. “I refuse to believe that we’ll fail.”

I blinked in surprise at the absolute conviction in his voice, my breath catching in my throat. It took me a minute to be able to articulate a response. “You do realize, the odds are stacked against us?” I asked softly.

“The odds have been stacked against me my entire life, and it’s never stopped me.”

“Yeah, but with my luck-”

“I’ve already told you that I’m willing to accept the risk,” he cut me off impatiently. “Are you?”

I didn’t know if I could. I had lost so much, and I didn’t know how I could stand to lose anymore. Maybe that was why I had started seeing John in the first place – it was companionship, but I had never thought that it would develop into anything close to this. I’d thought it’d be safe. If anything had gone on, I could have said that it was okay because he was just using me, anyway. If something had happened to him… well, one less bad guy in the city. They were lies I’d told myself to convince myself that I had no risk of feeling that pain again. And now that I saw the truth, surely the smart thing to do was to cut it off before I got hurt again.

But I remembered the surge of joy that had flowed through me after our confrontation with Lara, making me feel like I was floating with the euphoria of realizing what I meant to John. Not many people could make me feel joy like that. What would I become if I cut all of them from my life for fear of losing them? Isn’t that what I’d done to Maggie, at first? I’d been convinced that the both of us would be better off without me in her life, but then I’d met her, and this beautiful, brilliant little girl had only wanted one thing – for me to be her dad. Maggie, Thomas, Murphy, Michael, Molly… John… cutting them out of my life would do as much good for me as cutting off my arm for fear that my hand could get burnt again. Sure, it might save me from that pain, but the cost would be a part of myself.

And maybe John was right. Maybe things would work out. But even if they didn’t… I wouldn’t take back my time with Susan, even if I’d known what was coming. Despite the pain, the thought of losing part of my life was unbearable. And I couldn’t risk losing out on this. So, maybe it was that simple.

“Yeah,” I muttered, my voice rough with emotion. “Yeah, I am.”

For a vanilla mortal, John can move freaking fast when he wants to. I didn’t even see his hand move before he’d pulled me into a heated kiss. I mean, I wasn’t complaining, but when you’re supposed to be the one with the supernatural abilities in the relationship, it can be a little disconcerting to realize you don’t have the upper hand. It was one of the things I liked about John, though. He didn’t need powers to be able to handle himself.

It was a while later, when we were lying in bed, cuddled up together, that I remembered. “Oh, I got you a present!”

I ignored John’s nonverbal protest as I rolled out of bed and snatched up my duster, going through the pockets and giving a triumphant shout when I found it. I pulled out the small, slightly crushed, package and looked up to see that John had rolled onto his side, watching me curiously. I smiled as I tossed him the gift. “Happy Valentine’s Day, John.”

My smile slipped slightly as he began opening the gift. If I’d known the turn our relationship had been about to take tonight, I might have gotten him something a bit more meaningful. But how was I supposed to know all this would happen?

“Really?” John asked as he revealed the red boxers with the image of a genie lamp over the crotch, the words _‘Rub for Luck’_ written over it. I could tell from his expression that he didn't quite know what to think of them.

I shrugged. Hey, Thomas had said something that only I would get him and something that would make him think of me. Check and check. “They had more,” I said, deciding to own the present, even if I might have gotten him something different if I could go back. Or at least, I’d get him a second thing; I did like the boxers. “I’m thinking I’ll get you a set.”

He chuckled, and to my delight, put them on. “I have something for you, too.” He opened the drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a small box. I walked over, taking it from him as I sat down on the edge of the bed to open it. Inside was a single piece of paper with what look like booking information for a hotel.

My eyebrows furrowed slightly, and I looked back to where he sat on the other side of the bed, leaned back against the headboard. “Is this some kind of romantic vacation?”

“Not exactly. It’s a week at a technology-free, all-inclusive resort. I thought that you and Maggie might enjoy a vacation together.”

My jaw dropped. I felt like it was doing that a lot this evening, and I vaguely wondered if there’d come a point when it would start doing damage. Maybe Bob would know. “Seriously?”

“Yes. There aren’t many wizard-friendly vacation spots, but this location should be very relaxing. It’s on its own private island that it appears no one but humans have taken an interest in. But to be sure, I will be sending Gard to watch over it to ensure that nothing interrupts your time there.”

I couldn’t stop gaping at him. A weeklong vacation with my daughter with a promise of no interruptions? That was something I’d never thought I’d have. I looked back at the confirmation page that he had given me and saw the dates. It was the week of her birthday.

I finally managed to pull myself together, taking a deep breath. “Don’t hate me for what I’m about to ask,” I muttered, looking down at the bedspread. “But you’re not trying to get rid of me for a week so that you can do something I’ll disapprove of, are you?”

“Is that really what you think?” he asked, his frown audible in his voice.

“No,” I answered honestly. “But I have to ask.”

I saw the motion of his nod in my peripheral vision. “Well, I cannot promise that I won’t do anything you’ll disapprove of that week, but I feel no need to get you out of the city for that reason. Whether you’re here or not, it doesn’t change my actions.”

“Well, I hope it changes some of your actions,” I said with a smirk, waggling my eyebrows at him.

“I’m speaking of my business actions, of course,” he amended.

I nodded, satisfied. I hadn’t figured it was the case, but the thoughts would have kept creeping up on me if I hadn’t asked. “So, why don’t you come with us?” the words came spilling from my mouth before I had a chance to think about them.

His eyes widened in surprise. “You haven’t even allowed me to meet Maggie.”

“Yeah, well, there’s time.” Now that I’d pitched the idea, I couldn’t quite seem to let it go. I’d made the decision that I wanted John to be a part of my life, and that meant _all_ of my life. Hey, look at me, jumping in with both feet. “We can do introductions, and if she decides she’s comfortable with it… family vacation.”

“You’re sure?” he asked slowly.

“It’s ultimately her decision, but… yeah, I’m sure.”

“Alright,” he said, a smile spreading over his face. “Then if that’s what she decides, I can make the arrangements.”

I put the box down on the nightstand and then twisted around to press my lips to John’s shoulder. “Oh, and John?”

“Hm?” he hummed, looking at me with unmistakable fondness in his eyes.

“I love you.”


End file.
